I have demons in me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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