i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
