Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
