Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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