it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
