A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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