I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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