i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize