All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
