I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
