I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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