Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
