Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
