I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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