new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
