i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
