Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
