Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're making bets on your personal life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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