My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
