I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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