i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
