i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
