Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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