youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This baby is an asshole
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
