We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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