I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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