We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
