Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
