i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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