im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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