her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
