PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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