I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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