exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
