Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
