Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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