Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
