yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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