I can't watch pbs sober anymore
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
