I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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