just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
