As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
