oh god the rape fog is back!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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