dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
