Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
