Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
