we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
