thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize