your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
