so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
