and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
