sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
