everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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