matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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