This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
