maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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