You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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