it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
