I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
