I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
