i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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