the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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