so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
