How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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