i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
