You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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