Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
