Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
false alarm. still invincible.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
