Only a mothe r could love this liver
the condom got lost in my hair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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