He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
