Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
