Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
